“Finished” is the obsession of my life.

“I will be happy and at peace when I’m finished with _________________,” I say to myself.

Art doesn’t look as beautiful, food doesn’t taste as good, and music doesn’t sound as sweet until every item on my to-do list has a line through it.

In the last few years, I’ve become a husband, homeowner, and father in that sequence. Each of those roles is teaching me that if I want to be happy and at peace, I need to learn to live with “unfinished.”

Indeed, if I want to be in lifelong, loving relationships with my wife and son, “unfinished” is the only way to be.

On most days, I have to choose between finishing my list of things to do–things that neither live nor love–or living and loving unfinished relationships. It’s easier to cross things off a list than it is to try again to connect on a deep level with someone who is as different and difficult...

This is it. It doesn’t get any better than this.

Depressing words or liberating words?

Depends on what you mean by “this.”

And “this” is whatever you choose to believe it is.

Here’s one thing you know is true: Someone would like to sell you something better than “this.” Someone will spend a lot of money to persuade you that you just can’t live “this” way.

I have a head cold and I slept awful last night.

I’m not going to get better in the next five minutes. In fact, my body is likely to feel worse as the day goes on.

Someone wants me to buy their cold and flu medicine. Someone wants me to buy their energy drink. So someone will communicate with me relentlessly every day (even when I’m well and well-rested) to persuade me that if I’m sick and tired, I just can’t live this way. Someone will position themselves so that when I feel discomfort, my first impulse will be to...

Some things we habitually avoid are things we need to mind instead. Avoiding them will not make them go away. Avoiding them will make problems that are impossible to avoid later.

Exercise and healthful eating are in this category.

So are the difficult aspects of relationships with children, parents, siblings, and spouses. Things like forgiveness, reconciliation, and working through issues and misunderstandings.

Habitually avoiding some things, however, may be a signal that we should let them go instead:

The job that feels like it is paying the bills but impoverishing your relationships and soul.

The “friend” who sucks all of the oxygen out of the relationship and weighs you down with being clingy and needy.

The social circle that always seems stuck in reliving the glory of the past, complaining about the present, and has no plan for the future.

The religion that seems like...

There will be a couple of “business items” at the end of this blog post. I hope you stick around to read them. Now, on to my thoughts for the day…

I started making lists of goals and to-dos in high school.

Each New Year’s Day, I would write out my goals for the year and make a plan to achieve them. On the first of each month, I would revise the goals and the plan. Each week, I would make a to-do list and I would update it each day of the week.

My goals were big and manifold. My to-do lists were pages long. And I’m just talking about goals and to-do lists for a single day.

I got out of control.

At one point in my adult life, I could spend up to two hours each morning making a three- or four-page to-do list for the day.

Can you imagine the depression, discouragement, and shame that came from that daily exercise? By the time I was done planning the day, I had two fewer hours to...

What places in the world are most important, most meaningful, and most precious to you?

The Sistine Chapel or your own local house of worship?

Pennsylvania Avenue or the street where you live?

The Four Seasons or your own home?

The French Laundry or your own kitchen table?

What makes a place important, meaningful, and valuable is not its fame, Michelin stars, or price of admission. What makes a place special is the people who gather there.

It’s the little church where generations gather for funerals, potlucks, vacation Bible schools, and weddings.

It’s the block where neighbors host block parties, take evening walks, and visit over backyard fences.

It’s the modest home where children grow up and the family gathers for birthdays, Christmas, graduation parties, Thanksgiving, and wakes.

It’s the old kitchen table where thousands and thousands of family meals take place.

In the...

“I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”–Jesus Christ (Gospel of Matthew 18.3).

As I age, I notice something changing about the way I see life.

When I was young in my faith, I said: “Anything can happen!”

Now I find myself muttering more and more: “That won’t ever happen.”

When I was young in my faith, I said: “Expect great things!”

Now I find myself cautioning: “Don’t expect much.” Or worse: “What did you expect?”

When I was young in my faith, I said: “Let’s try! If it’s worth God loving, it’s worth our doing.”

Now I find myself shrugging: “It’s really not worth bothering.”

When I was young in my faith, I said: “God will meet all our needs! He cares for us!”

Now I find myself yawning: “God cares for those who care for themselves.”

When I was young in my faith, I said: “Anyone can change!”

Now I find...

If you know your Bible stories, answer this question for me: Name one person–just one–who really got who Jesus was and what he was all about.

A few candidates (with Bible references so you can go read the stories):

The woman who had been bleeding for 12 years and touched the fringe of Jesus’s cloak (Matthew 9.20-22, Mark 5.25-34, Luke 8.43-48).

The Gentile woman who begged Jesus to heal her daughter (Matthew 15.21-28, Mark 7.24-30).

The Roman centurion whose slave was at the point of death, but wouldn’t allow Jesus to enter his home (Matthew 8.5-13, Luke 7.1-10).

The Samaritan woman Jesus met at a well (John 4.4-26) is another candidate.

The Gerasene demoniac who lived among tombs near a herd of swine (Mark 5.1-17, Luke 8.26-37).

The “sinful woman” who anointed Jesus’s feet (Luke 7.36-50).

The Greeks who asked Philip if they could see Jesus (John 12.20-21).

Three things...

Success is a danger to our souls.

What is success? Who defines it? When do you know you have it?

I’ll confess to you what success means to me: Money, popularity, and power.

How much money, popularity, and power?

I’ll confess to you: More. Always more.

What will I do to get more money, popularity, and power?

How much will it cost? In energy? Relationships? Time?

What if I don’t have any clue about how to get more money, popularity, and power? Then I can just spend what money and time I have fantasizing about it. I can plan constantly. I can talk big. On a little screen, I can spend hours watching people with money, popularity, and power.

What makes money, popularity, and power our gold standard for success? The perception that those things will make us independent, loved, safe, and true to ourselves and what we value.

When you see the words in black and white like this, do...

I don’t think I believe in the devil anymore. At least not the one who could pass for a comic book villain.

But let’s say the devil is real. Let’s say he is the comic book super villain, the “Dark Side of the Force,” God’s archenemy. Let’s say the devil’s mission and purpose is to wreck this world and everyone in it. Let’s say your destruction is his obsession. Yes, you. He’s working overtime to tempt and trick you into self-destruction.

If we say this is true, then here are a couple of other things that must be true, too:

If the devil is bent on destroying the human race, he’s not very good at his job. Of all the people on earth, 0.8 percent die each year. Meanwhile, more than twice that number are born each year.

Or maybe the devil is really good at his job (for evidence, please scan today’s news). But God is just so much better at his job. For every person who dies, 125 live and...

It’s not bad if numbers are useful when answering the question: “What am I going to get out of this?”

Numbers, however, aren’t everything. And they can be misleading.

What are those “likes” and “shares” really worth to you? Do they help you sleep better at night? Do you walk taller?

Maybe you get a ten percent raise in pay. Maybe that ten percent raise in pay comes with 20 percent more stress.

Does a bigger engine with more horsepower mean you will get to your destinations faster? How much longer will you have to work to pay off the loan for those extra horses? You may not have as much time to drive.

If all you’re going to get out of something is a number, you may be reducing your life down to mere existence. Worse, you may be missing life altogether.

After all, how do you quantify beauty, contentment, creativity, joy, love?

And if you cannot quantify it, you cannot buy it...