We can get along in this country even if we don’t really get along.

How do I know?

My wife and I have not been getting along for almost 11 years. We don’t agree on money. We don’t agree on religion. We don’t agree on sports teams.

We don’t even agree on how or whether to disagree (imagine having a disagreement about whether or not to call it a disagreement!).

And we sleep together every night!

I’m not talking about sleeping in matching twin beds. I’m talking about snuggling and spooning.

We raise a son. We keep up with two houses and two vehicles. We throw parties for our family and friends.

We manage life together and we still have fun.

I am crazy about my wife and madly in love with her even though some of the things she does/says/thinks seem crazy and mad to me.

I’m just thankful she doesn’t have a blog to write about my craziness/madness.

What we’ve learned after all...

I had a head cold this week.

I was tired all the time. The crud in my head (or was it the drugs in my bloodstream?) gummed up alertness, creativity, and lucidity. My head ached. My nose dripped. My throat felt like I swallowed safety glass.

Today I woke up and felt normal.

Which is to say I felt great.

Because “normal” feels so good after a few days of “abnormal.”

How many days do we wake up and gripe to others or ourselves?

We gripe about the weather.

We gripe about having to get out of bed.

We gripe about what we have for breakfast.

We gripe about the commute.

We gripe about our job.

We gripe about what a drag it is to put up with our lives each day.

We gripe about “normal.”

And then God gives us the gift of “abnormal” to remind us that “normal” is amazing. “Normal” is a blessed privilege. “Normal” is not to be taken for granted. “Normal” is to be celebrated...

America’s public square seems more like a cage fight these days.

People who are campaigning, legislating, marching, organizing, speaking, and writing are doing so as opponents. We know them by what they oppose.

The Republicans rose to power because they opposed the Democratic agenda. Now the Democrats (and groups like Indivisible and Women’s March) are building up power on their opposition to the Republican agenda.

Friends and neighbors, we are in a vicious cycle of reactive opposition.

If we’re sick and tired of the bipolarity of American politics, some of us need to make the choice to stop opposing.

Instead, let’s start leading with ideas.

I friend of mine got into an argument with me about the constitutionality of President Trump’s executive order of immigration. We argued for an hour about whether the order was legal and would keep us safer. He opposed what he saw as a...

Making peace is an obsession of mine. I don’t know if it’s codependence or the Holy Spirit–it’s likely both–but I’m on a mission to bring people together.

When trying to bring people together, it’s crucial to be calm and cool. Empathy is important and understanding is urgent. Affirmation must be authentic. Respect must be relentless.

I take a little pride in how I keep myself level in conflict.

Maybe too much pride.

And “pride goes before a fall” as the Bible says (Proverbs 16.18).

This week, I had a conversation with a very good friend who has a very different opinion on American politics. I wasn’t 30 seconds into the discussion when my radar warned me of danger. He wasn’t curious about my point of view–at least not in the sense that he wanted to learn something new or to understand me better.

He was looking for information he could use to build a case against me.

About...

You remember your “firsts.”

My wife, Tracy, and I went on our first date (Hartfield Lanes & Lounge in Berkley, Michigan) on October 5, 2006.

We kissed for the first time while watching ‘LOST’ in her living room.

I remember the first time she introduced me to someone as her boyfriend and the first time I introduced her to someone as my girlfriend.

I remember the first time I met her family and the first time she met mine.

I remember the first time we said “I love you.”

I remember the first time we made love.

Once you get to one of these “firsts” in your relationship, they become the norm. You keep dating. You form relationships with the other person’s family and friends. Saying “I love you” is like a period at the end of every sentence you say to each other. You round first base and head to second. Then third. And, until you have kids, you have sex once or twice a day.

Just...

I recently listened to a 2008 interview of Greg Boyd, Shane Claiborne, and Chuck Colson.

These three distinguished evangelical leaders debated and discussed the relationship between American politics and Christianity.

At one point, Claiborne said something that helped me finally find words to express what I’ve been feeling for almost 20 years. He said that when it comes to politics in America, “Christians are just mean.”

I could add “angry,” “contemptuous,” “dismissive,” “eager to pick a fight,” “flippant,” “harsh,” “ill-mannered,” “rude,” “sarcastic,” “self-righteous,” “smug,” “stubborn,” and “threatening.” I can find all the evidence I need of Christian meanness on Facebook.

Yes, that’s a blanket statement and an unfair generalization. I think most evangelical Christians are polite. They simply withdraw when the tone of the conversation starts to turn ugly.

Unfortunately, that...

The disruption of politics-as-usual in the United States is a golden opportunity.

For whom is up to you.

Interruption of the political status quo makes room for new kinds of politics. But remember: “Nature abhors a vacuum.” The opportunity for new kinds of politics is fleeting and many will try to seize it.

In history, these fleeting moments of political opportunity are ripe for evil.

They can also be ripe for good. It takes good people being bolder, faster, and smarter than people who mean to do bad things.

In other words, it takes you acting now.

Small groups of people in positions of power may plot and scheme, but none of them are a match for We the People when We the People are at our best.

So, I invite you to do three simple things to be a servant leader in our society now. If you do these three things (and encourage others to do them with you), We the People will seize...

Better to be for than against.

When you’re against something, it means someone else set the agenda and took the initiative.

Once you’re against something, you step out on a slippery slope. You frantically throw reactions after someone else’s pro-actions.

Being against rarely calms; it usually escalates.

Being against has almost no room for cooperation, empathy, and unity.

Habitually being against can form your entire being around negativity, obstruction, and opposition. You reek of it.

Time keeps moving forward. Against tries to chain it to a rock.

Even when there are so many things to be against, it is better to choose to be for.

When you’re for something, you make a free choice about what is worthwhile. You set the agenda. You take the initiative. You become the leader others seek.

When you’re for something, you set and stay the course and invite others to come with...

Merriam-Webster defines protest: “the act of objecting or a gesture of disapproval.”

Protest is good. It is a vital tool in relationships.

For example:

“Did you throw out my splash stick?” asked my wife.

“Yes,” I said.

“Why? I was going to use it to keep my coffee hot!”

“I’m sorry. I thought you were done with it.”

Here’s the protest: “I wish you wouldn’t just go around the house throwing away my stuff. Could you at least ask before you throw something in the trash? You’d think after eight years of marriage you would know better!”

As you can see from this real example (it just happened yesterday), my wife made her displeasure know, set a new boundary for me, and told me how to change my behavior. My compliance, of course, is still voluntary. If I love and value my wife and our relationship, however, I’ll take heed.

Protest has a place in organizations, too. Last year, our...

The 44 years since Roe versus Wade prove at least one thing: What we’re doing is not working.

What I write here is not for people on the extremes. Those who are militant and staunch in their stance against, or for, abortion. It is a waste of anything worthwhile to try to do anything with these people.

Funny. As much as they hate each other, they’re essentially the same.

No, I write this for the majority of people in this country who are reasonable and well-meaning.

I believe most pro-choice people are reasonable and well-meaning.

I believe most pro-life people are reasonable and well-meaning.

I truly believe that we want the same thing: We want to save lives. We want a day to come when abortion isn’t even necessary in our country (so its legality is not of much consequence).

And I think we want to get along with each other.

So why can’t we just…get along? Why can’t we...