You are disgusting

As you go through life, no single person will disappoint, disgust, frustrate, and shock you more than…you.

In fact, the feelings of disappointment, disgust, frustration, and horror are ten times worse because you should be able to control yourself, right?

How could you be so [sinful/stupid/weak] that you can’t do the right thing or not do the wrong thing? Again and again and again?

Surely, nobody else (except for the people in mugshots on the 6 o'clock news) is as [sinful/stupid/weak] as you are.

You must be the only one who screws up this much in this way.

If people only knew the truth about you. Someday they will. Someday it will be your mugshot on the 6 o'clock news.

You’re going to blow it. Lose everything. And you can’t do a thing to stop it because you’re so specially [sinful/stupid/weak].

So eat that pint of ice cream, fatso. Light up another cigarette (you know you can’t stop). Have another shot or two or three (this is the only relief you deserve). Burn two hours on Facebook (as close as you’ll ever get to real relationship). Better yet, go hook up with someone who won’t stay for breakfast (because that’s all you’ll ever be).

You are a failure. A filthy, sinful, stupid loser who doesn’t deserve any of the good you have in life and will someday be exposed. They’re going to find out. And then you’ll get what you deserve. You’ll be alone. Alone. You think this is hell, just wait until you finally get what’s coming to you.

…….

Enough! Peace. Be still.

Who is this who speaks to you this way? The voice sounds like your own, but you did not come out of your mother’s womb knowing how to speak to yourself like this. Someone taught you this language.

It wasn’t me.

I’m not a parent who heaved my own failures and faults on you by criticizing and cutting you down. I’m not a bad boss or hard teacher who enjoys putting you in your place. I’m not a brimstone preacher who enjoyed the perverted glee of preaching hell.

I recognize this language you hear in your head. It is prosecutorial.

I am not a prosecutor, but the Bible identifies one whose name is The Prosecutor. In your religious language, you call this one The Satan or simply Satan. You can be sure that prosecutorial speech is satanic speech.

And it does not come from me. It does not come from love.

I am your Maker. Before your original sin, I saw your original glory. Before you heard one word of criticism or judgment, you heard my word: “Be alive! Be born! Be free! Be you!”

And, most important: “Be loved. Be mine.”

It is true. You do sin. You are weak. I know of your humanity. This does not make you a special case. It makes you like every other human being who ever lived or ever will live. I know of your condition. I shared it and share it still by my own choice.

I made you and if you’re willing to believe: I will make you again.

Not the way you would make yourself. The way you would make yourself is too much like what you think others would like.

That would be so harmful to you. I didn’t make you to live up to some standard that the humans around you put in place for you.

I made you so I could enjoy you. And do you know it’s true that I made you so you could enjoy you, too? And when you’re living as I meant for you to live, the right people will enjoy you too.

You have to accept by faith that the way I make you new is not the way you would make you new. It won’t happen the way you expect or in the timing you want. It may seem that I’m not doing enough fast enough. You may get frustrated by your limitations and your setbacks.

Trust me. I know what I’m doing with you. It’s all part of the process. A great relationship is born on the journey. I want to journey with you.

Whatever you do, don’t listen to that satanic voice any more. That satanic voice may speak the facts about the persistence of sin in your life, but it doesn’t speak the truth about love, about me, about you.

I speak that truth and you must learn to listen to my voice.

It is always the voice of affirmation, forgiveness, kindness, patience, and tenderness. It is the voice that says the things you need to hear but dare not believe because you’ve listened to the satanic voice for so long.

So get up. I’ve taken care of your sin. Forever. If you need to deal with the consequences, I’ll help you. If you need to break a habit, I’ll stay by you through the many falls you are bound to take through the process. And you will see that through it all, I am faithful.

You will see that love is for you, too.