Ghosts of children who haunt me at Christmas

In the winter of 2015, the child we were expecting–he or she would have been our second–died in the womb. I sat on the stairs and cried great, gulping sobs that made my head light and my heart heavy as a tombstone.

I’ve cried that way again this year as I’ve read about the children being murdered and tortured–tortured!–in Syria.

Those children–and so many more (remember Sandy Hook)–are the ghosts who haunt me this Christmas.

I will not avoid or ignore them. I will not pretend that they’re not there.

I will not try to distract myself by consuming more cookies and gifts and Hallmark Christmas movies.

I will not excuse myself (“that’s not my problem”).

But what will I do?

What do you think I should do? We should do?

Can we do anything?

Here are a few ideas going through my mind as I carry those children in my heart this Christmas:

I will love the little boy sleeping upstairs as I write this. I can love him, protect him, and provide for him. This is the most important thing I can do.

I can pray and I can lead others to pray. I don’t know how prayer works. Sometimes, I’m frustrated with prayer. It feels so phony to pray for children in a bombed-out Aleppo neighborhood while I sit in my Norman Rockwell neighborhood in suburban America.

I can’t explain prayer and I feel like prayer is too easy; but I believe in the God to whom I pray. So I will persist in prayer.

I ask God almost every day what my family can do for children who don’t have a family or home. Could some of those children become our own? What could we do with our money or time for the children we cannot take into our home? I’m waiting for answers from heaven.

I can use my voice, my vote, and my wallet. I can ask questions about how my lifestyle as an American consumer and voter affects children around the world. What choices and habits do I need to change? I don’t know. For the sake of children everywhere, I need to find out.

I can use my talents to build up, connect, and support those who serve children. The business I run exists to help local change leaders get better at serving people in their communities. I want to help them become better fundraisers, leaders, organizers, and problem-solvers so they can do more good for more people. I can focus on leaders and organizations that exist to serve the needs of children in my own community and others beyond.

One of my little boy’s favorite songs is: “Jesus Loves the Little Children.”

The song asserts that Jesus loves “all the children of the world” and that they are “precious in his sight.”

For my son’s sake and for the sake of so many more like him, singing that song is not enough.

I have to find a way to live it.

What do you think?

Grace and peace.