No excuses. No explanations.

Anxiousness bordering on panic.

Cold sweat.

Shaking fits.

The addict may experience these symptoms when going through withdrawal.

Especially when the addiction is the addiction to being liked.

A couple of years ago, I set out to follow Tony Dungy’s rule: “No excuses, no explanations.”

It was then that I recognized how frequently–even in the course of a day–I was excusing and explaining myself: Why I couldn’t do a favor. Why I couldn’t make a meeting. Why I was running late. Why I couldn’t take on a new responsibility.

It quickly became clear to me why I excuse and explain so much:

I want to be liked.

In fact: I’m addicted to being liked.

The other day, one of the ministers at our church sent me a text to ask if I got his email. I already knew the answer the moment I saw his text: Yes. In fact, I saw his email arrive in my inbox nine days prior. And I knew the reason for his email because it was in the subject line: Teaching.

I chose to procrastinate. I wanted to say both “no” and “yes,” so I did neither for nine days until the text message arrived.

Oh, how I wanted to explain! How I wanted to make an excuse!

I didn’t see the email.

My inbox was so full that I forgot about the email or missed it altogether.

Yes, I saw the email and I devoted the last nine days to prayer over it.

What is the real message in each of these excuses? I’m so busy (=important) that I didn’t have time to condescend to your email. Aren’t every one of these excuse meant to establish my importance, my power, my righteousness? Aren’t every one of these excuses meant to turn my irresponsibility and selfishness into a public relations triumph? One that will ultimately impress my minister and make him revere me?

Or at least save face?

But there’s more.

I did tell my wife I would not teach in 2016.

And that fact is convenient because now I can pass the buck to my wife.

I can tell my minister that it is because of my wife that I’m not going to help him out with teaching this spring.

And doesn’t that seem like something a good guy would do? Who could blame a man for wanting to keep a commitment to his wife? Who could dislike a fellow who is a faithful husband?

This ignores the fact that it was my decision (not my wife’s decision).

The simple truth is that I choose to not teach in 2016. The reasons do not matter to my minister–only to me.

So any explanation is not affirming or helpful to my minister; it’s PR that is meant to help me preserve my good guy persona.

I’m not serving my minister or even my wife; I’m serving myself by manipulating people–through excuses and explanations–into liking me.

It seems like such a small thing, but it takes enormous faith and not a little love to “let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no’ (Matthew 5.37).

No further explanation needed.