White talk

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an email to a friend of mine, who is black.

Over the years, he and I spent many hours talking about racism in America.

When Americans began to protest the latest case of police killing an unarmed black citizen–this time George Floyd–I felt things. Icky things. Troubling things. Things that made me feel discomfort deep down.

As brains do, mine tried to make sense of those feelings by turning them into questions.

And those questions landed in the email I wrote to my friend, who is black.

I was about to hit “send,” when another feeling came over me.

It started in my belly, but quickly spread all over my skin like little tremors.

I’d asked my friend all of these questions before.

In fact, I’d asked my friend all of these questions several times before.

And not only him, but most of my black friends over the years answered those same questions when I asked them, too.

As I sat there with my finger frozen over the “send” button, I saw the light:

I wasn’t looking for answers; I was looking for a way to delay personal action, personal change.

By asking my friend to answer my questions about racism yet again, I could: 1) put off doing anything while I sought to “understand things better,” and 2) fool myself into believing that I’m not part of the problem because I ask my black friends lots of questions about racism.

I mean, racists don’t ask their black friends to talk to them about racism, do they? So, clearly, I can’t be racist or part of a racist system if I ask black people to help me understand racism!

But I’m too old now to fall for my own tricks. As I pulled my finger back from the “send” button, I thought: “How can I be so selfish? How can I ask my friend to answer these questions yet again? He’s already answered them more than once! Do I believe him or not?”

I thought of all the conversations I’ve had with black people and all of the ways I asked them the same questions over and over again.

They’ve already answered the questions! Do I believe them or not?

For generations, black citizens have been telling us there is a problem in our country. For generations, they have been telling us, in every way they can, the nature of the problem and what we can do to fix it.

White people, the time for asking questions needs to be over now.

Do we believe what black citizens are telling us or not?

If you don’t believe what black citizens are saying, then God be with you. We have nothing else to talk about here.

But, if you do believe them, then what?

A choice.

I think it is my fear of making that choice that kept me using the delay tactic of asking the same questions over and over again.

Here’s the choice: Do something about racism or do nothing about it.

That doesn’t mean doing something about racism in my own private life.

Black citizens are not demonstrating because I have racism lurking in my heart; they are demonstrating because racism is hard-wired into the system.

A system that white people made and that white people have the power to change–if they can also find the courage, humility, and will to change it.

The choice before us is a political one. It calls on us to use our money, our voices, and our votes to change the economy, education system, justice system, and public services to be fair and just for citizens of color.

The time for asking questions is over. Black citizens already answered them and already told us what to do.

If we believe them and we know what to do, then what excuse do we have?