The Civil War is over

When I was a boy, I had a thing for the Civil War.

When other boys were playing video games, I was reading and re-reading ‘The Civil War’ by Bruce Catton.

I knew that my family had deep roots in the South. I had a hunch that my family fought for the Confederacy. That hunch turned out to right. A few years ago, my parents found that my great great great grandfather, Sgt. Robert Irwin, served in the Confederate calvary. In battle, he suffered a wound that led to his capture and death in a Union prison camp.

I thought my grandparents, who were old enough to remember meeting Civil War veterans, would be proud of our Confederate heritage.

One day, I tried to talk to my granddaddy about the Civil War. Granddaddy was a blue collar railroad man, a member of the Church of Christ, and a U.S. Army veteran. He was a Southerner through and through. I thought he would be happy to talk about the Civil War.

He was not. He shot me down.

“That war is over,” he said. “There is no blue and there is no gray. There is no North and there is no South. We are all Americans. A lot of men died and it would be disrespectful to them for us to go on fighting each other. We’re all Americans and we have to learn how to get along with each other. We have to find a way to work things out. War is stupid. So don’t ever talk to me about the Civil War. That war is over.”

Several times a year, I find myself thinking back on what Granddaddy said. Memorial Day is one of them.

What surprised me most when I was a boy is that Granddaddy said that “war is stupid.” I didn’t expect that from a “tough guy” and a veteran.

But Granddaddy lived through three wars. He saw war for what it was.

If he were here today, I think Granddaddy would say something like this: Don’t use Memorial Day to glorify war. Don’t use Memorial Day to make war out to be something good. War is stupid. War is wasteful. War is what happens when human beings are not humble enough and wise enough to find a better way to make things right.

Memorial Day is not about glorifying war; it is about grieving loss of life.

If we make Memorial Day a day to hold up war as good and–God forbid–holy, then Granddaddy has a word for us: Stupid.

The other thing Granddaddy said that sticks with me now more than ever is this: The Civil War is over. We are all Americans. We should never fight each other again. We need to find a way to work it out.

Looking back now, I can see that Granddaddy was different from a lot of Southern white men of his time. Many of them held to the myth of the “Lost Cause”.

While a lot of Southerners memorialized Confederate soldiers who died for the “Lost Cause,” Granddaddy didn’t seem to buy into that.

He seemed to believe that all 620,000 soldiers (Confederate and Union) lost their lives in a senseless and stupid war. But, because America made it through that war, we now have a chance to redeem all of that bloodshed. Every person who died fighting fellow Americans, bought all of us a chance to “form a more perfect Union.”

I think Granddaddy would say the best way to memorialize those who died in the Civil War–or any war–is to do the hard work. That is: The hard work it takes to make sure that nobody has to die in war ever again.

As I finish, I will “channel” Granddaddy and share some words that I think he would say if he were with us today.

You disgrace the memory of Americans who died in battle when you battle your fellow Americans. You dishonor the memory of Americans who took bullets when you aim lies, sarcasm, slander, and smears at your fellow Americans. You dishonor the memory of Americans of every class, color, race, and religion who are buried in mass graves when you say that some Americans are more American than others.

Too many people died to keep us together for you to tear us apart.

Granddaddy said the Civil War is over and I’m with him.

We don’t honor the dead by going back; we honor them by going forward.

Together.

Let’s honor those who died together by living for each other.