Dad and Mom had meetings

What is the most important thing your parents did for you as a child?

February 10 was my parents’ 48th wedding anniversary. When I woke up that morning, I paid attention to the first thing that came to mind when I thought about their marriage. What was the first image to form in my memory when I thought about Dad and Mom together?

Here it is: Meetings.

My parents had meetings.

The defining image of my parents’ marriage is the memory of them sitting next to each to have a meeting at the dining room table.

Some of those meetings were about money (which was always tight). Some of them were about church and school activities, home projects, or vacations. Sometimes, Dad and Mom had meetings about marriage itself.

I want to be clear: I’m not talking about talking. I mean that when my parents called a meeting with each other, they had an agenda, a set place, and a set time. They came to their meetings to work.

Did I ever hear them argue? Yes. Sometimes loudly and with feeling.

But they always figured it out. By the time they got up from the table, they were ready to get out in front of the family and lead with purpose and unity.

As a child, I couldn’t put into words what those meetings meant to me. I knew they meant something, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Now that I’m looking back more than 25 years later, I can tell you that those meetings were the most important thing my parents did.

My parents met to make plans for the world they built for my sisters and me.

But the meetings themselves were as important as the decisions and plans that came out of them. I can think of at least three reasons.

First, as a child I always felt like Dad and Mom had things under control. When I saw them at that table together, I knew they were making preparations or solving a problem. I knew they were making a good plan for the family. Growing up, I always felt like Dad and Mom were ready for anything because they seemed to think about everything. Knowing that they met to make a plan gave me faith that everything would be all right.

Second, as a child I always felt like Dad and Mom could find a way to work through anything. Sometimes, they had sharp disagreements that got loud. But year after year, I saw them come to the table and work through their differences to find common ground. Seeing them do that gave me hope that no distance was too great for two people to bridge if they worked at it.

Third, as a child I felt like our family was indestructible because Dad and Mom showed us the strength of their commitment to each other. They were the core that held our family together. When I saw them call meetings to work on their relationship, I knew they would find a way to stay together no matter what. They made working on their relationship a priority. And that’s how I knew the family would stay together, too. Seeing my parents have meetings showed me love at work.

My parents built a world of faith, hope, and love for my sisters and me.

But what Dad and Mom arranged and taught was believable to us only because of what they showed.

And what they showed was faith, hope, and love at work. They showed it every time they had a meeting at the dining room table.

Thank you, Dad and Mom, for having your meetings right where I could hear and see them. You not only showed me what marriage can be, but what the whole world can be, too, when we have faith, hope, and love to make it so.

Happy Anniversary!

Grace and peace.