Family before career

What seems to be the greatest threat to my career is also the reason I have a career: My family.

I work for my family. It’s not just about the money I need to earn to support us now and in the future. It’s about who I’m becoming as a man. It’s about how what I do every day affects what I do every morning and night when I’m with my son and my wife.

I quit my job in July 2013 and started my own company because I didn’t like who I was and who I was becoming in my former career track. I recognized that if I didn’t change course, my son was going to grow up with a dad who was not a good role model. I recognized that if I didn’t change course, my wife would go through life with a hollow husband. Both of them would live with a man seeping the pollution of anger, bitterness, discouragement, and fear into their lives.

I’m serious about making myself into the kind of man who can be the best father to my son and husband to my wife. I’m also serious about being the kind of man who can drop everything at a moment’s notice and be there for his grandparents, in-laws, nieces, parents, and siblings. I’m serious about being the kind of man who can take care of his parents in their old age. I’m serious about being the kind of man who doesn’t miss his kids’ ballgames and band performances. I’m serious about being there at breakfast and supper and playtime and bedtime every day. I’m serious about making sure my wife has my time and undivided attention day in and day out.

It’s more than the time I put in with them. I’m trying to be serious about my health. Health takes a lot of time, too. Eating right requires planning meals and shopping for the right foods. Exercise takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of time to do things that enrich and round out my character so I have something to share with my family. Things like playing the drums, reading a lot, and writing a blog.

I’m serious about who I am for my family. So serious that the time I budget for them comes first and is the greatest portion of my days and nights. As I look back on my daily journal entries, it is clear to me that I am happiest and healthiest and most fulfilled when I’m with my family.

Where I’m struggling is to figure out how to balance what I believe God makes most important to me with what is second most important: My career. My vocation.

At one time, going to early morning and evening meetings and networking events was the norm. No more. I reserve that time for family meals with very few exceptions. At one time, it was normal to put in extra hours on nights and weekends. No more. That time is for family fun and togetherness. At one time, my job was the center of my energy and focus each day. No more. Now my son and my wife are at the center of my energy and focus. Work comes second.

A few times a week, I wonder if I’m going to fail as a businessman, as a “career guy.” I’ve taken what once belonged to career and given it to my family. I get a twinge of fear that I’m leaving money or opportunities or status on the table. “What if’s…?” start creeping in.

Men often find their identity and self-worth in their work. I think this is godly and right, but only in context.

Our primary source of identify and self-worth is in our connection to the God who made us men in the first place. Do I recognize that my life derives from the Divine? That my life is loved and sustained by the Divine?

As men, our secondary source of identity and self-worth is in the people we love–our families. For me, it’s my son and my wife. If I do nothing else in life, I will be a success if I am the best father and husband I can be to them. This is my calling and commission as a man and far more important than how I make money.

I’m trying to live this. It’s not easy, but on faith I believe it is right and it is worthwhile.

Thank you for being part of the ongoing process with me. Grace and peace.