We may never go back to [pre-pandemic] church

The last time my wife, son, and I “went to church” was back in mid-March.

When the pandemic landed in our city, we made the choice to stay home.

Our church started meeting again in late summer, but we chose to stay away longer.

This eight-month exile is the longest I have ever been away from church.

I miss some things so much it feels like my body is becoming anemic from the missing.

But some things I don’t miss at all.

And being away from church for so long is also showing me some things I missed by being in church all those years.

I hope that makes sense.

If you don’t mind, I’ll expand on each of the things I miss, don’t miss, and found out that I was missing. Stay with me. I want to find out if any of this hits home for you, too.

The three things I miss about “going to church” are (in order): 1) The people, 2) Taking my son and his friends to children’s activities, and 3) Preaching and teaching the Good News to people who are eager to hear it.

The things I don’t miss about “going to church” are (in no order): a) The amount of effort, energy, and time it took to get the family in the car and make the 30 - 40 minute drive to church twice a week, and b) What often felt like so much emphasis on “style” that I often felt starved for “substance.” I don’t know how to describe “b” to you. It was just a feeling that I had for a long time. I hesitate to put it in writing because I don’t want anyone to mistake it for a critique or judgment. It’s a personal feeling of “almost, but not quite” that leaves this little pang of hunger in my gut.

Then there are the things that our “pandemic exile” is showing me I missed by being in our particular congregation. I can wrap all of these things up in one sentence: Communing, praying, serving, sharing, studying Scripture, and worshiping with neighbors.

For years, the leaders of our congregation have called it a “commuter church.” That is, the members of the congregation commute from all over to get to the church building. Our family drives 30 - 40 minutes one way every time we “go to church.” We pass through three cities to get there. I don’t know how many other congregations we pass on the way (dozens, I’m sure).

Most of the other people who belong to our congregation do the same.

Many of the church families with whom we want to enjoy more time live opposite our direction from the church building. Getting together with them requires a lot of planning and time because of the distance between our homes.

Our congregation is good at coordinating members who have needs and members who want to share. Our congregation is also good at organizing service and support in neighborhoods that are struggling.

But the space and time is great between our family and those fellow members or those neighborhoods. The space and time makes it difficult, if not impossible, to form real relationships with the people we serve.

The relationship is the point. Jesus Christ is not building a kingdom of two classes (helpers and those who need help); he is building a kingdom in which a variety of people are loving each other like family. The give-and-take of relationship balances everything out in the end. We are all poor. We are all rich. We all give. We all receive. This is the kingdom economy.

When I enter a relationship with someone I serve, the relationship (not what I do for the other person) becomes the point. By leading with relationship, I’m admitting that I expect the other person will have to help me, too, many times in the future. We are equal.

But service without relationship almost always leads to one person condescending to the other.

So, when we have to travel a great distance to serve people, either as a church or as individual members of the church, we have less time to form relationships. Our service becomes more like a “service safari.” It’s a one-time show. We are unlikely to see each other again except in passing.

But, in the kingdom of God, the relationships are the point!

I guess what I’m trying to say is that our “pandemic exile” from church showed me how much I crave church right here in my own neighborhood.

I not only want to do “church things” with my own neighbors, I want real, “seven-days-a-week” relationships with them, too. I don’t want to “go [30 minutes and three cities away] to church”; I want to live right in the middle of it all day, every day!

In (geographically) close relationships, I am able to be served just as well as I serve. I am able to share life with neighbors.

I hate to say it, but my lifetime of experience in churches all over the country is leading me to this conclusion: Commuter churches just don’t have much time. And, since they are in a time crunch, they have to focus more on style and not so much on substance (which takes more time than they have).

I’m not saying commuter churches can’t have substance; I’m saying that they and their members are so short on time that substance is just really hard to fit in.

We may go back to our “commuter church” when we decide it is prudent to do so. Our son really likes it and we want to be in a church that he enjoys so church becomes his lifelong habit and priority.

But if we do go back to commuting to church, I can’t help but think it will come at a great loss of what could be right here at home: A “neighborhood church” with enough time for relationships to deepen and grow. The kind of church that is made for moments of community and personal crises (like pandemics).

What about you? What are the changes you had to make to your “church life” showing you about your relationship with church? How would you like for “church” to be different as you pass out of the pandemic and into the “new normal”?

Grace and peace.